When you leave an African Country, to come to a place like Australia, the little things catch your eye first. The clean cities, the roads that are mostly in good condition. The road works are constant in upgrading and even the number of signs to tell you what where and how you should drive. Signs like "wrong way go back". Its just something that you will find out as you go along in South Africa, no sign is going to let you know that you are going the wrong way...
Traffic lights have bussers to let Labradors know when to walk across the road... or is to let the blind person know when to walk, I forget. But what about the deaf person.
Not being racist at all, but it is a real difference to see a "lollipop men/ women" that is white and friendly. It is just natural that in a country where most people are "white", these things are done by white people. This might sound weird to anyone who did not grow up in a country where most people have darker skins.
In South Africa, because of the multitudes, there were people at every traffic light, selling goods, being very persistent and sometimes, scary. Here, if you need a coat hanger or a pair of sunnies, you actually have to go to a shop in a shopping centre and pay real money for it too.
Talking to anybody and everybody in line at the post shop (not a post office) or at the medicare office (something we did not even have in SA).
Everyone has to be able to speak English, so there's no need to try and figure out what language you might need to communicate. This makes life a little easier. It feels as if most people are immigrants as everyone has a different accent, but they all try to speak English. It is also easier to communicate because you don't have to think who is going to attack you or steal your purse every second of the day. You can tell people that you are new and don't know the system and they will not try to make life difficult for you.
Going through the drivers license process and getting insurance can be a little daunting, because everything is computerised and everyone is accepted to be literate. In Africa, this is not the case, literacy is a very big problem. Using pictures and trying to find a language your client understands is quite a challenge. Very often, I had to use the fingerprint system to identify someone when they wanted to draw their own money at the bank. Here, they don't even have your fingerprint on your drivers license...how good is that!
Yip, its the little things that you notice first, good things and bad things, irritating too sometimes.
Try to get some service at a coffee shop of restaurant in Aus... nobody tells you that, that service is an optional extra!. You have to stand in line to order, then take a number or worse, they might choose to scream out your name and your order so everyone in the world knows what you chose to order today.
Then you have to pay before you receive your order and if you need anything else, well you have to stand in line again. The sign on the order window of one shop finally made it clear to me: Fast service: Open tomorrow. And the other one: It is harder to pay for a sandwich after you have eaten it.
This was a very BIG THING to me and it could have made me turn back, but now, it is just another LITTLE THING. It just makes you appreciate what you did have in South Africa. After a hard day's work, it was always good to relax at some restaurant and get pampered a little. Now you still have to get up and do it yourself. Clean the table yourself, Pick up the mess that someone else made, through away the takeaway cups and thing, because you have to ask to get a real ceramic cup or plate...
Well now, I don't expect service and get o with life.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
31 August 2010
Today is the date that my parents got married, 64 years ago in South Africa. If it weren't for them, we would not be here, not one of us.
Having them as examples of how to treat people and be accountable, is a great privilege.
I am the youngest of five children and the only daughter. Well that was before my brothers got married anyway, I really just got my sisters later.
My parents now have their sons and son-in-law and their daughter and daughters-in-law. 15 grandchildren and five lovely great grand children. We all still like each other and we all get together when life creates the time and the place for it.
My dad is a very prominent artist in South Africa (Dirk Meerkotter) and he sets his standards very high. You can find him on the web if you are interested http://www.meerkotter.co.za/
My mom (Annie) is a very dynamic and wise women. She keeps the family together, because the lets every do what they need to do to grow. She advises us when we ask for it and she is a passionate inspiration to everyone in the family.
These two people have made a great impression on our lives, but more than that, on the lives of so many South Africans who met them. My mom has learnt to write emails and communicates with everyone who cares to write to them. My parents have many connections across the world because of my dads art, but mainly because they are such loving and caring people.
We will always have their example, no matter where we are and we will always strive to be more like them as we live our lives in our new country.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Forever a Guest
Now this is not really only related to the arrival of the Muller family in Australia. Being married to an Engineer in general makes it part of who you become.
We have moved around in our own country more than the normal family and more than I have ever imagined I could.
My first 20 years were spent in one house, one room, one family, one church and the schools that were closest were my two schools.
Then I went to Pretoria to study and I did that because I met my husband to be while he was in the army with my brother.
I was board with living at home and it was time to move on, but I did not really know that 25 years after marrying Harald, I would still be moving around and finding new connections wherever we went?
Some of the moves were fun of course and some of the moves were really not so great., but we always seemed to make the best of it. We did it all for Harald's career and I would be the mom raising the kids. Yes that is what I wanted to do.
So at some point I realised two things that were very constant in this process of moving and changing places. Harald always had a career and a position (not just a job) and I, well I did what moms do best. I went where the kids needed me and tried to be a good example in the community and find something to do to keep me out of the shops and other mischief.
Where ever I went, I was a guest. A guest at the ballet lessons and the school and the Engineering dinners etc. I am a harpist and where ever I went to play the harp I was the guest. In the bank where I worked, I was a contractor and so, if I had to go to meetings, guess what, I was the guest. Looking pretty but just don't say anything...
In Aus, at every church we went to, we were guests, but now, I was not the only one. Harald and our daughters felt the same. No real belonging, just guests and yes, you get "special" attention at times, but hey, at some point you need to settle in. Become part of the community and part of the process.
In our case, it just doesn't seem to end. When I took over the gym and became the South African Personal Trainer, it was as if I was the guest in my own business. Maybe, because that is what I have become accustomed to. Everyone tried to tell me how to run the business and how I would be able to get more clients and what would work better, but you know, all that does is make the "new" person uncertain of what is right and wrong and it does not really help.
When we lived in Newcastle, it was really obvious to me that Harald did not connect with anyone and just went through the motions of work-home-travel-etc. It was really hard to get any indication of how he experienced the community and whether he was happy or not. Sometimes, when we went to church I felt, that he really needed more contact, but just couldn't find the time.
And so, we belonged only in one category, "Guests". After a while, the other congregation members, became "switched off" and we could not connect anymore. The time had past to get the connection and it was time to move on again.
This time, Harald had to move alone first. Do contract work and find a new job (not so much a career anymore). The economic situation in the world forced us to make decisions that we really had no power over.
Again, my status became the guest because he was not around, he was a guest in a new place and our anchor was lifted. "Waiting for call up papers".
The few that became close to me as I worked in the gym, were very concerned and thought that I cannot be happily married if I lived so far from my husband. Questions like do you still love each other and how long is he going to be away for.... was it to find some gossip in the situation or maybe to help me find a solution to something that just had to play itself out?
Then I had to release every tie I had bound in the last 4 years, because I know by now, that friends are friends for life, but that does not mean that you will ever see them again.
I am just a guest in their lives, to do a job or fulfil a function or help them grow as they help me grow. Looking back, they are just guests in my life too then.
When you realise that we are all only guests, it makes you think of other people in a different way, doesn't it. Even you children and your parents are guests in your life. Your children need you for some things when they are young and for totally different things when they are older. Some of us are blessed to have the important ones in our lives for longer and some have to find new connections. One thing is for sure, no one, nothing, is permanent and none of the people you meet can be replaced at any cost.
Treat everyone with respect!
We have moved around in our own country more than the normal family and more than I have ever imagined I could.
My first 20 years were spent in one house, one room, one family, one church and the schools that were closest were my two schools.
Then I went to Pretoria to study and I did that because I met my husband to be while he was in the army with my brother.
I was board with living at home and it was time to move on, but I did not really know that 25 years after marrying Harald, I would still be moving around and finding new connections wherever we went?
Some of the moves were fun of course and some of the moves were really not so great., but we always seemed to make the best of it. We did it all for Harald's career and I would be the mom raising the kids. Yes that is what I wanted to do.
So at some point I realised two things that were very constant in this process of moving and changing places. Harald always had a career and a position (not just a job) and I, well I did what moms do best. I went where the kids needed me and tried to be a good example in the community and find something to do to keep me out of the shops and other mischief.
Where ever I went, I was a guest. A guest at the ballet lessons and the school and the Engineering dinners etc. I am a harpist and where ever I went to play the harp I was the guest. In the bank where I worked, I was a contractor and so, if I had to go to meetings, guess what, I was the guest. Looking pretty but just don't say anything...
In Aus, at every church we went to, we were guests, but now, I was not the only one. Harald and our daughters felt the same. No real belonging, just guests and yes, you get "special" attention at times, but hey, at some point you need to settle in. Become part of the community and part of the process.
In our case, it just doesn't seem to end. When I took over the gym and became the South African Personal Trainer, it was as if I was the guest in my own business. Maybe, because that is what I have become accustomed to. Everyone tried to tell me how to run the business and how I would be able to get more clients and what would work better, but you know, all that does is make the "new" person uncertain of what is right and wrong and it does not really help.
When we lived in Newcastle, it was really obvious to me that Harald did not connect with anyone and just went through the motions of work-home-travel-etc. It was really hard to get any indication of how he experienced the community and whether he was happy or not. Sometimes, when we went to church I felt, that he really needed more contact, but just couldn't find the time.
And so, we belonged only in one category, "Guests". After a while, the other congregation members, became "switched off" and we could not connect anymore. The time had past to get the connection and it was time to move on again.
This time, Harald had to move alone first. Do contract work and find a new job (not so much a career anymore). The economic situation in the world forced us to make decisions that we really had no power over.
Again, my status became the guest because he was not around, he was a guest in a new place and our anchor was lifted. "Waiting for call up papers".
The few that became close to me as I worked in the gym, were very concerned and thought that I cannot be happily married if I lived so far from my husband. Questions like do you still love each other and how long is he going to be away for.... was it to find some gossip in the situation or maybe to help me find a solution to something that just had to play itself out?
Then I had to release every tie I had bound in the last 4 years, because I know by now, that friends are friends for life, but that does not mean that you will ever see them again.
I am just a guest in their lives, to do a job or fulfil a function or help them grow as they help me grow. Looking back, they are just guests in my life too then.
When you realise that we are all only guests, it makes you think of other people in a different way, doesn't it. Even you children and your parents are guests in your life. Your children need you for some things when they are young and for totally different things when they are older. Some of us are blessed to have the important ones in our lives for longer and some have to find new connections. One thing is for sure, no one, nothing, is permanent and none of the people you meet can be replaced at any cost.
Treat everyone with respect!
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