Now this is not really only related to the arrival of the Muller family in Australia. Being married to an Engineer in general makes it part of who you become.
We have moved around in our own country more than the normal family and more than I have ever imagined I could.
My first 20 years were spent in one house, one room, one family, one church and the schools that were closest were my two schools.
Then I went to Pretoria to study and I did that because I met my husband to be while he was in the army with my brother.
I was board with living at home and it was time to move on, but I did not really know that 25 years after marrying Harald, I would still be moving around and finding new connections wherever we went?
Some of the moves were fun of course and some of the moves were really not so great., but we always seemed to make the best of it. We did it all for Harald's career and I would be the mom raising the kids. Yes that is what I wanted to do.
So at some point I realised two things that were very constant in this process of moving and changing places. Harald always had a career and a position (not just a job) and I, well I did what moms do best. I went where the kids needed me and tried to be a good example in the community and find something to do to keep me out of the shops and other mischief.
Where ever I went, I was a guest. A guest at the ballet lessons and the school and the Engineering dinners etc. I am a harpist and where ever I went to play the harp I was the guest. In the bank where I worked, I was a contractor and so, if I had to go to meetings, guess what, I was the guest. Looking pretty but just don't say anything...
In Aus, at every church we went to, we were guests, but now, I was not the only one. Harald and our daughters felt the same. No real belonging, just guests and yes, you get "special" attention at times, but hey, at some point you need to settle in. Become part of the community and part of the process.
In our case, it just doesn't seem to end. When I took over the gym and became the South African Personal Trainer, it was as if I was the guest in my own business. Maybe, because that is what I have become accustomed to. Everyone tried to tell me how to run the business and how I would be able to get more clients and what would work better, but you know, all that does is make the "new" person uncertain of what is right and wrong and it does not really help.
When we lived in Newcastle, it was really obvious to me that Harald did not connect with anyone and just went through the motions of work-home-travel-etc. It was really hard to get any indication of how he experienced the community and whether he was happy or not. Sometimes, when we went to church I felt, that he really needed more contact, but just couldn't find the time.
And so, we belonged only in one category, "Guests". After a while, the other congregation members, became "switched off" and we could not connect anymore. The time had past to get the connection and it was time to move on again.
This time, Harald had to move alone first. Do contract work and find a new job (not so much a career anymore). The economic situation in the world forced us to make decisions that we really had no power over.
Again, my status became the guest because he was not around, he was a guest in a new place and our anchor was lifted. "Waiting for call up papers".
The few that became close to me as I worked in the gym, were very concerned and thought that I cannot be happily married if I lived so far from my husband. Questions like do you still love each other and how long is he going to be away for.... was it to find some gossip in the situation or maybe to help me find a solution to something that just had to play itself out?
Then I had to release every tie I had bound in the last 4 years, because I know by now, that friends are friends for life, but that does not mean that you will ever see them again.
I am just a guest in their lives, to do a job or fulfil a function or help them grow as they help me grow. Looking back, they are just guests in my life too then.
When you realise that we are all only guests, it makes you think of other people in a different way, doesn't it. Even you children and your parents are guests in your life. Your children need you for some things when they are young and for totally different things when they are older. Some of us are blessed to have the important ones in our lives for longer and some have to find new connections. One thing is for sure, no one, nothing, is permanent and none of the people you meet can be replaced at any cost.
Treat everyone with respect!
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